MEET CROOKS WEST
THE TIME BANDIT
He doesn't steal your money. He steals something far more valuable: YOUR TIME. Armed with fake appreciation and empty promises, he's robbed thousands of their most precious resource.
Crooks West: "Your time is MY time!"
CROOKS' ARSENAL:
HIS SIGNATURE MOVES
Every master criminal has their methods. Here's how Crooks West operates:
"Great work on that report!" he says, knowing he'll never read it. "You're invaluable!" he beams, while budget cuts have your name circled. Crooks makes you feel heard, appreciated, valued—right up until you realize it was all performance.
"You know what, Branden? You're absolutely right about that. Let me tell you something else—I've been thinking about this all morning..."
(Spoiler: He hasn't been thinking about it. He's just starting another spontaneous mid-call epiphany that will lead nowhere.)
VICTIM COUNT: Thousands of employees who thought their contributions mattered. TIME STOLEN:Years spent on work that was praised but never used.
Crooks loves Slack meetings. Not for decisions—those can be made in emails. He needs Slack meetings to feel important, to hear himself talk, to watch you nod while your calendar bleeds red. "Let's circle back" is his favorite phrase. You will. Again. And again. Always with his headset on, ready for the next pointless call.
"You know what, Branden? I just had a thought—and let me tell you something else—we should probably loop in the stakeholders on this..."
(His spontaneous mid-call epiphanies are LEGENDARY. They always lead to more meetings, never to action.)
AVERAGE HEIST: 2-3 hours per Slack meeting, 15-20 meetings per week. OUTCOME: Zero decisions, infinite follow-ups.
"We're going to revolutionize the industry!" Crooks declares with the confidence of someone who has never delivered anything on time, on budget, or at all. Six months later, you're still waiting. Three years later, so is everyone else.
TYPICAL DELAY: "Q2" becomes "next year" becomes "when resources allow" becomes never. STATUS: Permanently pending.
"Brilliant idea!" Crooks exclaims, writing it down enthusiastically. That idea joins 473 others in his "Nice-to-Haves" folder, never to see daylight. Your innovation? Dead on arrival. But hey, he seemed really excited about it!
BURIAL SITE: The "Parking Lot" slide, the "Future Considerations" doc, the "Let's Revisit" email thread. SURVIVORS: None.
WHO IS CROOKS WEST,
REALLY?
Crooks at the Company Retreat (pretending to care)
Crooks in an All-Hands (making empty promises)
Crooks with Your Ideas (headed for the trash)
Crooks West doesn't rob banks. He doesn't need to. He's found something far more valuable to steal: YOUR TIME.
Unlike traditional thieves, Crooks doesn't sneak. He doesn't hide. He operates in broad daylight, in conference rooms, on Zoom calls, in your inbox at 11 PM. He shakes your hand. He looks you in the eye. He thanks you for your hard work.
And then he steals hours, days, years of your life.
His weapon of choice? Performance Appreciation. He's mastered the art of making you feel valued while extracting everything from you. He nods enthusiastically when you speak—right before ignoring everything you said. He praises your ideas publicly—and files them away privately, never to be seen again.
"Great point!" he says in meetings, already thinking about what he'll have for lunch. "You're absolutely right," he agrees, before doing the exact opposite. "I couldn't do this without you," he declares, while preparing to do exactly that when budget cuts come around.
Crooks West spent decades climbing the corporate ladder by perfecting this con. He left behind a trail of burnt-out employees, abandoned projects, and people who swear they used to love their jobs—before they met him.
Now? He's exposing himself. Consider this website your field guide to spotting a Crooks in the wild—or worse, realizing you've been working for one all along.
Have you encountered Crooks West (or someone just like him)?
DON'T LET CROOKS
STEAL YOUR TIME
Join thousands who've learned to spot the signs, call out the BS, and reclaim their calendars from time-thieves like Crooks West.